remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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