So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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