I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize