my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
