Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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