I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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