can we get nightvision for the apartment?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
