i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
