at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
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I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
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We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.