I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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