I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
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i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
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I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention