its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
