i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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