No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
