This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
