Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
