apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
