I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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