So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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