So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
