I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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