do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
