I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I want her autograph on my taint
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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