I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
