i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
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Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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