YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
