life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
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