ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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