a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You took a bar mat shot.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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