If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
