im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She has the best kind of daddy issues
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
