When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
