Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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