90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
