My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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