we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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