i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
