she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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