Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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