i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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