So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
