Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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