So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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