If that was your dad, he is hot
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
