Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i think i have two assholes
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
