he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
