i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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