I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
