i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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