Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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