how can u be prego again
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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