you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
