Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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