Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
