All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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