who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
