The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
