Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
