My room smells like vodka and shame
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
