You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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