Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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