in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
