you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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