Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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