Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
