So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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