I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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