Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
BRING THE BAGELS
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
