Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
