I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize