Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
