I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
