be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
