um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
