just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
